Pete: Well, Elmo, I was just thinking... you ever get tired of playing second fiddle to these kids?
Elmer: What do you mean?
Pete: I mean it’s always about Spanky or Alfalfa or one of those other kids I can never remember the names of. You know, the bratty girl and the two kids with the marbles in their mouths.
Elmer: Uh huh?
Pete: Huh? No, not him. Man, I haven’t seen that kid in years...
(Elmer looks confused)
Pete: It doesn’t help that I got a letter from the last Pete. Look at this: “A fine Pete you are! You hardly ever do anything!” Well, maybe if they’d write something for ol’ Pete every once in a blue moon...
Elmer: They have been using us a lot less lately. Maybe it’s time to pack it in and move on.
Pete: Move on? Are you crazy? Our careers barely got off the ground. Now look, I’m trying to pitch this idea to Roach. You and me. A double act. We’re two war buddies who get separated. 20 years later, I’m a happily married pooch, and you’re still in the trenches until a French poodle rescues you. We reunite, but then my wife gets upset, and there’s a mixup with the pretty neighbor...
Elmer: Uh, Petey? They’re filming that exact story on the Laurel and Hardy lot.
Pete: Why the no good plagiarists! I’ll show them! I’m going to break up Laurel and Hardy! And I’ll ruin Hardy’s career by pairing him with an old friend of mine, Zenobia the Elephant. Yes... Oliver and the Elephant. I can smell the rotten reviews!
Elmer: Now take it easy, Pete. Your mood ring around your eye is fading.
(Yeah, I had no idea where to go with this, if it doesn’t show!)
Alfalfa: (writing a letter) You are my true love. I've admired you for years. Your warm smile just wipes my tears. You are the Juliet to my Homeo, And you're more than Otay. I love you, Buckwheat, That's all I have to say."
Buckwheat: "Then it don’t matter. I’ll be all around in the dark – I’ll be everywhere. Wherever you can look – wherever there’s a fight, so hungry people can eat, I’ll be there. Wherever there’s a cop beatin’ up a guy, I’ll be there. I’ll be in the way guys yell when they’re mad. I’ll be in the way kids laugh when they’re hungry and they know supper’s ready, and when the people are eatin’ the stuff they raise and livin’ in the houses they build – I’ll be there, too... otay?"
Rich uncle in "Baby Clothes" after seeing Farina trying to pass himself off as the fifth child of the Weedles, after Joe, Mickey, a midget, and Jackie, to the Weedles: "I've been giving you 50 dollars a week to support your two children … I wish I had known the truth … I'm going to make it $125 a week!