rascalstooge
Full Member
10 years this coming November.
Posts: 238
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Post by rascalstooge on May 14, 2018 13:40:11 GMT -5
Stymie: I'll have a partysmoke. Spanky: Artichoke. You're not Curly.
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Post by myhomeo on Jun 13, 2018 12:39:06 GMT -5
Stymie, after eating artichoke: "ACK! I'M CHOKING!"
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Post by myhomeo on Jun 13, 2018 12:48:58 GMT -5
Spanky, standing behind bush in MIGHTY LAK A GOAT: "Don't worry, guys! My mom'll be along soon to push prop animal bodies in front of us. She owes me!"
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Post by myhomeo on Jun 13, 2018 12:51:40 GMT -5
"I CAN'T GET THE ASSISTANT CHIEF'S PANTS ON!"
Other kids: "Well, of course not! You're way too big for them! Put on your own!"
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Post by mtw12055 on Jun 13, 2018 13:53:11 GMT -5
Bumbo: I say, that appears to be a bundle of sweets! Oh, how perfectly ripping! My dear sir, would you be kind enough to share them with me?
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Post by mtw12055 on Jun 14, 2018 3:12:39 GMT -5
Bob McGowan: Okay, everyone, we're in taklies now. Remember to call Allen and Bobby by their nicknames from now on.
Joe: Okay, Uncle Bob. Hey (reads script) Fay-rihnea, let's go see what Huh-Weezer is up to.
(McGowan smacks his own head)
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"Excuse me, sir, but aren't you Harry Spear from the Our Gang Comedies?"
Harry: (waves hand) I'm not the man you're looking for.
"You're not the man I'm looking for..."
Harry: The man you're looking for disappeared.
"The man I'm looking for disappeared..."
Harry: I can go about my business.
"You can go about your business. Move along."
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Post by myhomeo on Jun 15, 2018 11:42:36 GMT -5
Spanky (Answering phone): "Club Spanky! How can we help you?" (Pause.) "No. No, sorry we're not that sort of club." (Hangs up.) "What exactly are 'leather daddies' and why do they keep calling us?"
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Post by mtw12055 on Jun 17, 2018 14:47:03 GMT -5
Miss Crabtree: Now, children, we shall begin with an oral lesson in history. Everyone ready? Chubby Chaney, who was Nathan Hale?
Chubby: Nathan Hale was an American patriot.
Miss Crabtree: That's right. In what manner did he give his life to his country?
Chubby: He was hanged.
Miss Crabtree: Very good! Farina, what were his last words before they hanged him?
Farina: He said, "I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country."
Miss Crabtree: Excellent. Donald Haines. Where is Washington?
Donald: George or Martha?
(class laughs)
Donald: Aw, I'm just kidding. Washington, or the District of Columbia, is located between lands of both Maryland and Virginia.
Miss Crabtree: That's correct, Donald. Douglas Greer, what was Abraham Lincoln's mother's name?
Douglas: That would be Nancy Lincoln!
Miss Crabtree: Indeed it is! Buddy O'Donnell--
Buddy: Oh, that's McDonald, Miss Crabtree.
Miss Crabtree: My apologies! Buddy McDonald, on Paul Revere's night ride, what did he say as he stopped his horse in front of a colonial home?
Buddy: Well, it's been said that he either uttered the phrase, "The British are coming," or "The Redcoats are coming." But there has since been evidence that proves the saying was fabricated. Therefore, we don't know what he said!
(class oohs and aahs)
Miss Crabtree: Excellent observation, Mr. McDonald! Bobby Mallon, what was Nero doing while Rome burned?
Bobby: Well, it's been said that he was fiddling. But like the Paul Revere incident, scholars have stated that this was fabricated. More specifically, it's said to have been at least partially a literary construct of Flavian propaganda. In fact, it's believed Nero actually returned to Rome to organize a relief effort, which came out of his own pocket.
Chubby: I tried to tell Mrs. Kennedy this when she had me play Nero, but all she said to me was, "Norman!"
Miss Crabtree: (laughs) Well, maybe we should invite Mrs. Kennedy into one of our lectures some day. Very good, Bobby. Jackie Cooper, who was the Hunchback of Notre Dame?
Jackie: Quasimodo, the fictional protagonist of Victor Hugo's classic novel. Abandoned by his mother, he was taken in by Claude Frollo, and forced to ring the bells of the cathedral every day. He was deemed quite hideous by the citizens of Paris, but found some kindness from the Gypsy street dancer Agnes, better known as Esmeralda.
Farina: That'd make a swell movie!
Jackie: You said it!
Miss Crabtree: Indeed it would! Excellent, Jackie. Mary Ann Jackson, what famous words did Washington utter as he crossed the Delaware?
Mary Ann: I'm afraid I don't know the exact quote, Miss Crabtree, but I do know that there were a total of three crossings of the river, with the last one being in especially icy conditions.
Miss Crabtree: That's quite all right, Mary. It's not that important of a question, anyway. Now, let's have one more question. Farina, what was Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address?
Farina: One of the best known speeches in American history, Lincoln delivered it in the midst of the American Civil War at the dedication of the Soldiers' National Cemetery in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. In it, Lincoln reiterated the principles of human equality espoused by the Declaration of Independence and proclaimed the Civil War as a struggle for the preservation of the Union sundered by the secession crisis, with a new birth of freedom that would bring true equality to all of its citizens. Lincoln also redefined the Civil War as a struggle not just for the Union, but also for the principle of human equality.
Miss Crabtree: Well said, Farina! Well said! You children have been studying!
Farina: Well, we couldn't have done it without Bonedust! He made sure we got the necessary hours in!
Miss Crabtree: Thank you for your help, Robert! You'll be graduating before you know it.
Bonedust: Glad I could help, everyone!
(Everybody smiles, shakes hands, and congratulates each other)
Miss Crabtree: Now, did anyone see a nice looking gentleman who was asking for me?
Mary Ann: Yes, there was a nice gentleman here earlier. He said he'd come back later.
Miss Crabtree: Well, I was expecting him this noon. He's my brother.
(Jack Crabtree enters)
Jack: Sorry I'm late, June. Got caught up with some customers.
Miss Crabtree: Everyone, this is Mr. Crabtree, my brother.
Class: Hi, Mr. Crabtree! Pleasure to meet you!
Jack: Hi, kids! You can call me Jack.
Miss Crabtree: We were just about to end the day with a song. Would you care to join us?
Jack: It would be my pleasure!
Miss Crabtree: Jackie, would you care to start us off?
Jackie: Sure, Miss Crabtree!
(Jackie leads everyone in a song about the birds in Springtime)
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Post by mtw12055 on Jun 18, 2018 15:29:10 GMT -5
Wally: Hey, Spanky, let's go get the gang, come on!
Spanky: Okey dokey!
(Wally calls out to the others with war chants)
Others: Geez! Why don't you use the phone like a normal person?
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Post by myhomeo on Jun 23, 2018 16:32:45 GMT -5
Kid in orchestra watching Spanky, Buckwheat, Mickey and Froggy sing: "Okay, we're all gonna start playing really fast on 'Toot Toot Tootsie,' got it?"
Other Kid: "Why? Why are we supposed to speed up? Wouldn't it make more sense and be funnier if we had some reason to speed up?"
Kid: "Look, y'wanna work for MGM or not?"
Other Kid: 'Sighs, speeds up playing'
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rascalstooge
Full Member
10 years this coming November.
Posts: 238
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Post by rascalstooge on Jun 25, 2018 13:37:08 GMT -5
James C. Morton: I don't know who annoyed me more, Spanky, Alfalfa, Stymie and the other Rascals or Curly, Larry, and Moe.
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Post by mtw12055 on Jun 25, 2018 20:45:10 GMT -5
Spanky: Listen, L. B., Rooney's probably going to be drafted pretty soon, and you'll need a new Andy Hardy, right? Well, (quietly) what do ya say you take me out of the Gang?
Louis B. Mayer ...if you say so.
(Spanky stands in front of a locked gate at the MGM studio entrance)
Spanky: That's not what I meant!
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rascalstooge
Full Member
10 years this coming November.
Posts: 238
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Post by rascalstooge on Jul 16, 2018 13:34:11 GMT -5
Froggy: Why do I sound like Popeye? Why can't I sound more like Bugs Bunny?
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Post by myhomeo on Jul 18, 2018 13:30:33 GMT -5
Dick: "Gosh Mary, I'm sure glad that business with the magic lamp is behind us! Now we can be married!"
Mary picks up lamp, rubs it and makes wish. Instantly, Dick shrinks back to kid-size and Leonard turns into an adult.
Mary: "Sorry, Dick! I've met someone else!"
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Post by mtw12055 on Jul 20, 2018 9:04:56 GMT -5
Stymie: "A 'diworce' is a accident."
Wheezer: "Accident? What do you mean 'accident?'"
Stymie: "When two cars bump into each other and the policeman says, 'That was diworce accident I ever did see."
Wheezer: .....
Stymie: "That's a joke, boy. Went right past ya. Keep - I say you gotta keep on your toes. Toes, that is. The fast ones get right by ya. Keep your ears open. Yappety, yappety, yap - I can't get a word in edge ways. No wonder you're not sharp. You gotta - I say, you gotta always listen...."
Wheezer: "Ahhhhhhhh, shaddup!"
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